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big smart boy

by max sillyman

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1.
It started last autumn, I’m clad in my sweater You fell to rock bottom, you said you’d get better Leaves crunching softly, a steady walk home And I’m leaving my body, a soul without bones Stumbling and falling and crumbling and bawling Ringing of phone calls you hear through the thin walls Missing our friends, though we hardly have any Won’t be missed too much, two people of many Walk to the park and the snow starts to fall A little bit early, though it’s not our downfall Water is frozen, we walk on the lake Then go home to my house and whip up some pancakes Talk about things like mommies and daddies Crying at happy and laughing so sadly Soon you go home and my ears start a-ringing But far in the distance, you still hear me singing
2.
You say You love me, then just turn away Walk out the door and stay out late Don’t even check the time or date You don’t come back Til five AM or after that You sit down at the table, not an utter of a greeting I saw you better than that, but you just seem to be feeding Off the tears coming from my eyes, and you tell me not to cry Hide my feelings til I die Your words That night they haunt me every day Nothing makes me cry, but I will say It’s like a maze of barbed wire And now I realize The tears just make it sting

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released May 13, 2019

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